Prompt: Books have been banned…
Piece:
The shadowy fingers of dark had just crept over the horizon. In the distance, the stooped and furtive forms of three portly men could be seen, silhouetted against the lingering blush of daylight. They seemed to melt out of the trunks of the sheltering trees as they dashed across the open field and into a dilapidated barn. Nearby, a startled rabbit lept for cover at the sound of the dull thud of the barn door and the metallic click of a lock. Shortly thereafter, a thin and sickly flicker of light glimmered through the cracks of the wooden walls.
Inside, the three men breathed a sigh of relief, each rotund figure wheezing from the exertion of the dash. They gathered around a weak candle set upon an old crate, settling their ample bodies onto bales of hay which seemed to groan under their weight.
“Well, here we are,” said one, wiping his brow with a “Beef is Better” handkerchief.
“Yes, let’s get down to business,” said the second.
The third shifted on the hay as a mouse darted into the shadows. “We’re here to discuss this exasperating business of global warming,” he hissed.
“Quite right, such a nuisance,” rejoined the first.
“Those environmentalists are saying it’s our fault— that the cattle and beef industry are causing global warming through the destruction of the rainforests, through methane emissions from animal waste, through run-off of chemical fertilizers used to grow feed for the animals!” Conspirator two practically spat out the words. The flame flickered briefly as the spittle sizzled in its tiny blaze.
“Imbeciles!”
“And the public is starting to believe them!”
“Almond milk sales are on the rise! Look at the success of the Fake-o-burger!”
“Yes, we’re in danger of losing our profits.”
“They must be stopped….”
“What we need is a distraction – we need to shift the blame to something else….”
“But what?”
The three lowered their heads with a sigh and scratched their greasy heads almost in unison. One conspirator began to grind his teeth in a meditative way. Another produced a chicken bone from his lapel pocket and began absently picking his teeth. The flame of the candle flared briefly as a gust of wind found its way through a chink in the wall. As the flame brightened, it briefly illuminated an ancient, decaying poster on the wall of the barn. A scrap of the poster, already mostly torn away by time, succumbed to the breeze and fluttered gently to the floor. As the flame shrank back to its thin and sickly wisp, the eyes of the third man suddenly brightened.
“I have it,” he said, pounding his fist on his fleshy thigh, “paper!”
“Paper?” The others looked at each other quizzically, but with slowly growing realization.
“Of course!” Exclaimed the second, “blame global warming on paper!”
“All we have to do is convince the public that cutting down trees for paper is the major cause for global warming!”
“Right-o, Jack! I’ll call our publicist right away! We will start a massive propaganda campaign on the environmental evils of paper!”
“I’ll call my friend, Senator Wheezedoodle, and ask him to introduce legislation to ban paper!”
“Yes, it will be the new popular virtue — shunning books will be the greenest way to be green!”
“Yes, yes, I think we have it!” Exclaimed the third, rising in triumph. The other two did likewise, each reaching up his arm for a high-five. As they stood, however, one knee bumped the edge of the crate. The meager candle wobbled, then tipped over into the hay…
Shortly thereafter, the rabbits were on the run again as the barn door burst open, disgorging three panicked men who bolted for the forest, leaving the barn to burn in a raging inferno….
….
Three weeks later… Plastered on every billboard and ringing from every radio…
“Shame on you, environmental crooks,
You kill our earth by reading books!”
School children around the country staged walk-outs protesting the use of paper books in their schools.
The price of Amazon stock tripled as civic minded families across the nation purchased Kindles.
Municipal libraries introduced initiatives to expand e-book collections, compost existing books, and turn the newly freed shelf space into vertical herb gardens.
What we were reading / watching around that time:
Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
Cowspiracy
Leave a Reply