Prompt: Imagine one of your toys is disgruntled about the ways you’ve played with it. Write a letter from that toy to you.
My kids had created a lego stop motion in which they used the drunken pirate lego head on a lego lady body.
—-
Most Honorable and Gracious Majesty, All Powerful and Beneficent Ruler of Lands Known and Unknown, Commander of the Lego Bin, Champion and Wielder of the Most Fearsome Vacuum:
I, most despicable and lowly of toys, inanimate in my own strength, made of mere plastic, surely unfit for the august eyes of my most gracious sovereign, I come before you, groveling in the fibers of your glorious Berber carpet, not by any merit of my own, but to beseech your most beneficent lenity.
Who am I to dare bring any criticism or request before your Worship, or even dare to come into your presence unbidden? Yet it is with full knowledge of my unworthiness that I present myself to you, to beg in most humble terms, that you reconsider your plans for your upcoming most glorious Lego movie. In your unfathomable wisdom, you have chosen to remove my rightful head, the smiling and contented head endowed to me by the Lego factory, and to replace it with that of the foul, drunken, unshaven (and surely unshriven), squinty eyed head of the Lego tavern-dweller. Surely your plans are great, and who am I to question your wisdom? And yet I beseech you, fearsome Queen of Final Cut Pro, to allow me to keep my rightful head, which is so much more becoming to my particular body than that of the stink-breathed drunkard. Perhaps you needed his villainous grin for the wonderful plot of your movie? Perhaps you have been unable to locate his body, and thought to use mine in its place? May I suggest you deign to turn your piercing glance once more within the blue bin, to sift your powerful hands through the lego detritus, and to seek his body from the bits therein?
This is the unworthy supplication that I bring before you — Replace upon my plastic shoulders my humble, smiling head. It will enable me to return to my brick house without frightening my plastic children and freezing their plastic faces into perpetual looks of plastic terror. My beloved plastic dog would no longer flee from my presence, but return to our plastic pebbled hearth as our trusty guard and companion in these dangerous times.
Your merciful boon in this my request would be to me like a rebirth. Surely you are the great sun that shines upon our Lego land and holds back the terrifying forces of the vacuum. All honor and fealty I give to thee, most gracious Queen.
Your humble servant,
Lowly Lego Lady
October 2021
What we were reading at the time: probably The Count of Monte Cristo or The Three Musketeers…
Leave a Reply